25 January 2011

Scopes: The Live Action Role-Playing Game

I have invented a new game, or rather, I have taken an existing game and modified it to suit a new and wonderful situation. Some may call this stealing and/or ilegal infringement of copyright, I prefer to call it dynamically enhancing a tired paradigm. To play this game all one needs is a copy of Poo: The Card Game (available wherever good games are sold, or through Truth-Justice-and-Wikileaks-hating Amazon) and the "Tonight with Vincent Browne" show.

Poo is a card game of feces-flinging monkeys. Knowing my secret theological fear of escatology (that the world will end in poo), and my not-so-secret love of board games, this was a pretty apt present from The Very Understanding Girlfriend (she knows me so well) and will no doubt lead to hours of fun in the coming weeks. The game is pretty straight forward, in their turn each player can attack an opponent by using a Poo card that leaves them covered in a variable amount of Poo. If you get stuck with 15 points worth of Poo, you are out of the game. You can defend yourself with various blocking cards that prevent the attack, or deflect it on to another player. There are also cleaning cards that allow you to wash off some of the Poo. It sounds icky, but its not, for no actual poo is depicted in the illustrations, just a lot of happy and/or concerned monkeys.

Coincidently "Tonight with Vincent Browne" also features a lot of happy and/or concerned monkeys, last night being no exception. Vincent's guests included Joe Higgins MEP, Labour's Joan Burton and Fine Gael's Simon Coveney, and if last night was anything to go by its going to be a very poo-flingy election indeed. All the elements were there, Joe Higgins castigated Labour for selling out the working class through their support of the truncated Finance Bill (Pellet Poo - does 1 Poo to one opponent), Joan Burton counters that he is just a misguided Trot (Dodge - One Poo flung at you misses you), Simon Coveney cosies up to the Greens and says everyone is acting in the best interests of the country, except Fianna Fail (Sharing the Love - Remove 2 Poo from yourself and give it to one opponent) and so on.

So here's the game - everybody watching the show gets dealt five cards, and chooses a guest. Every time the guest does an action that matches something on the card, that player gets to use the card, discarding it and drawing a new one. There's no point limit, the game ends when the show ends, then simply add up all the points and see who is left covered in the most poo.

I bet it'll be Conor Lenihan. It normally is.

Update: 1/2/11
Well, can I be the only one to notice that following on from Michael Martin's announcement of his new Fianna Fail front bench that the only two people in the outgoing Fianna Fail front bench who haven't been given a job are An Taoiseach Brian Cowen and, dramatic drum roll please, Conor Lenihan.

No pats on the back for me please, it wasn't really that difficult a prediction to make.

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