06 October 2010

Urinals? Where we're going...

Just back from the cinema on a cool Autumnal evening. I went in to see "Winter's Bone". Grim. Rather like "The Road", only with more women, and less cannibalism. Grim, grim, grim.

I saw it in The Screen on College Green (technically just 'The Screen" now, since they closed all the other branches down), a cinema I have not been to in some time. As I left the cinema I stopped into the Gents, I am old, my bladder is weak and the walk home is long. As I washed my hands a man came in, stood in the middle of the room and proceeded to latrinate quite deliberately all over the floor. He noticed me, and shuffled somewhat half-heartedly towards a urinal, and continued. I left.

There have been many occasions when a long film has left me in something of an urgent predicament, but never one so urgent that I could not make it the final three feet to the urinal. There are many films that have left me wanting to make some sort of a protest over the very existence of the film in question, 'I am Legend" springing to mind, but even then a sternly worded Tweet will usual suffice. Besides, this being the Screen there were only a few films showing, and none of them that objectionable. "Winter's Bone", grim, but hardly that enflaming. "Buried"' does have Ryan Reynolds in it, a lot of Ryan Reynolds in it, but its no "Van Wilder". That only leaves "Back to the Future", celebrating its 25th anniversary, and seriously, who could have anything bad to say about Marty McFly?

Well, Biff maybe, But I'm almost certain this guy was not Biff.

Too shocked to really take in what was happening, and too busy trying to look the other way, I didn't get that good a look at the guy, but he neither looked destitute enough to be a random junkie that wandered in off the street and somehow slipped past the alcatraz-like security The Screen no doubt possesses, nor did he look faux-destitute enough to be a neo-Dadaist intent on adding his own artistic contribution to a Fountain. Besides which, he missed.

Nope, this was as far as is possible to tell without actually stopping to ask, simply an ordinary patron of the cinema deciding it was entirely appropriate at 10:30pm on a Wednesday night to empty the contents of his bladder onto a men's room floor.

Somewhat bemused I stopped an usher as I left the cinema and said, "excuse me, but I think there's someone in the men's room pissing all over the floor".

"It happens", said the usher, and he walked away in the opposite direction.

Dublin. Now officially as grim as 'The Road'. But with less cannibalism.

so far.

photo - 'Fountain' by Marcel Duchamp, Centre Georges Pompidou, Paris, May 2010

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At 1:44 pm, Anonymous steve said...

back to the future... it's so good.

At 12:56 pm, Blogger Unkie Dave said...

yup, I'm actually tempted to go and pay cash money to see it in the cinema, though possibly a different cinema. Kinda freaked out by the fact that it is 25 years old though.


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