02 December 2009

The Old Age/Conservatism Axis

This is my Old Age/Conservatism Axis.

As I have got older I have noticed a tendency towards slightly less radical behavior and an increase in random outbursts of "get a haircut and a job, you damn dirty hippy", with accompanying fist shaking. I have been known to shout out the window at the kids in the street drinking beer on a school night, I have been known to give out to children for not saying please and thank you, and worst of all I have been known to attempt to alert a member of the Garda Síochána to the presence of a crime in progress.

In an effort to arrest this steady drift towards the right that aging brings I thought I would generate a little chart and measure my future behavior against political ideologies typically embraced by specific age demographics that I shall pass through along the way to senility and incontinence.

In the above chart you will see that the typical Black Bloc anarchist is between eighteen and nineteen, and at the other end of the scale the stereotypical Tory tends to be in their sixties (judging by their annual conference). Had I taken the time to draw up this chart last year, I would have saved myself quite some grief and realised that the Green Party was not the place for me a lot sooner.

As long as I stay above the Red Line at all times I should be ok, though this still gives me considerable leeway once I get into my eighties as I could probably create oil-powered puppy-drowning stations staffed by child slave-workers bought from Nike for a bag of polar bear noses and still be less right-wing than Prince Philip.

Something to look forward to then other than adult nappies and forgetting what my name is.

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3 Comments:

At 8:42 am, Blogger ryano said...

What's the source?

 
At 11:25 am, Blogger Unkie Dave said...

alas nothing more scientifically accurate than my own observations of political conferences, rallies and assorted demonstrations.

This is not meant to withstand the steely gaze of my academic peers, rather it is more an indicator of the types of behaviour I wish to avoid at certain stages in my life.

 
At 1:27 pm, Blogger Snag Breac said...

Brilliant.

As usual, your blog never ceases to amuse me!
xx
c

 

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