22 September 2006

Then later, a movie too

People often post lists of their favorite films, or have a recommendation section on their blog. I too have the amazing Booming Back Things section, where for a few measly units of your local currency you can purchase your own copies of things that I think are fab and groovy. However I think there is a gap in the market, a niche service if you will, for anti-recommendations. A list of things to avoid, places never to go (like Mugling in Nepal*), and films never, ever to see.

I went to London for the day yesterday, flew in to Heathrow at 8 in the morning, spent the day in our London office, and flew back at 8pm. Or that at least was the plan. Apparently Dublin caught the tail end of a hurricane last night, and so my flight back to Dublin was delayed first by an hour waiting for the inbound flight to arrive, and then by a further hour as it waited to get clearance to take off for Dublin. The weather in London was pretty great, it was actually only the last 15 minutes of the flight that were bad, with possibly the worst approach into Dublin I have ever experienced.

Thus faced with the prospect of a long delay in the cattle shed that is Heathrow Terminal 1 I committed a major, major error. I bought a dvd to watch on my powerbook. In fairness it was only £6, and this should have been the first sign that this was a big, big mistake.

The offending article? War of the Worlds.

Without doubt, one of the most atrocious, unforgivable poxes ever inflicted upon humanity. Why did I hate it so?

1) Morgan Freeman's voice over
2) Over the top, relentless destruction with no attempt at a plot
3) Children as the focus of a film (I strongly believe that children have no place on screen, they should never be seen, never be heard, never be referenced. If I wanted to share 90 minutes of my time with a precocious screaming tween I would buy one on Ebaby, then resell at a profit on Ebaby.co.uk five days later)
4) Tom Cruise

Actually, I should have just started with that last one.

Ninety minutes of my life that I will never get back; the only good thing to say at all about this movie was that it actually made the following turbulence seem mildly calming and soothing in comparison.

*Mugling, a brothel ridden truck stop in Nepal that the Very Understanding Girlfriend and I were trapped in late one night after a rafting trip. Missing the last bus back to Pokhara, we pleaded with a Swiss Red Cross team to let us on their bus and bring us to safety but they wouldn't because all the spare seats were taken up with their kegs of beer. Eventually we managed to flag down a bus that fortunately was running about twenty hours late and got back to our guest house in one piece, scarred with nothing more sinister than a deep scepticism over the reliability of the Hippocratic Oath in Switzerland.


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